Barking at Guests Explained: What Your Dog Is Really Saying

Some dogs bark a bit when new people come over, while your dog seems like they can't find the "off" button during your social gatherings. With this 10 minute video, you can learn a bit more about why your dog keeps barking at your friends and family, and steps we can take to get back to your father-in-law being the loudest one in the room.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bxhu2shbsiI

Transcription and Timestamps:

00:02

Hey there pet parents, thanks for taking the time to learn more about your dog's reactivity towards guests.

This video is for folks whose dogs bark and may lunge, stale or snap when new people come over and may continue to bark off and on throughout the visit.

I'm Shane Stanis, a Certified Dog Behavior Consultant, and I also own and run Mighty Mutts Dog Training as well as Confidence Builders Academy, which is a program for people specifically whose dogs struggle with fear.

00:29

If you're watching this, there's a really good chance that you're hoping to enjoy having friends over again and also feeling really overwhelmed about all the conflicting information that's out there in trying to learn how to address barking.

You might have heard that you need to correct your dog and tell them no when they bark, or that when your dog barks it's because you weren't calm and confident enough.

You might read that you should have guests give you dog treats, but then someone on a message board online says that that's going to make barking worse.

And it seems like every time that you find a promising piece of advice, there's someone else telling you to do the opposite.

None of these sound bite site solutions seem to be cutting it, and now you're stuck wondering what's the right answer. Will following my neighbor's advice make this better or worse?

01:15

In the next few minutes, I'm going to cut through the static.

I'm going to actually show you what causes this behavior, as well as how to start lowering those decibels without having to completely give up your social life.

To start, let's actually define what reactivity towards visitors is.

When most people see dogs barking or lunging at visitors, they think that it means that the dog is territorial or that they're protecting the family, and while it's normal for dogs to give a short alert to indicate that somebody new is at the door, more persistent barking is generally going to be the result of fear.

In this context, barking's behavior that functions as a way to create more space between the dog and the scary visitor. It often occurs at home because out and about the dog has a lot more space surrounding them, and therefore they've actually got a little more control over the size of their personal space bubble.

It's easier to just quietly keep enough distance from new people if that's what your dog feels like they need to do, and even knowing that they can have more space often actually leads them feeling safe enough to start to show interest in interacting with strangers.

Once we're indoors, especially around entryways, the space is a lot more limited and this can leave your dog feeling unsafe. Once everybody has their drink in hand, heads for the couch, your dog will often settle or at least appear to.

Then somebody gets up for a refill or to go to the bathroom and all of a sudden your dog explodes. And it can be really disheartening to feel like there might be hope and then have it dashed by your dog appearing to suddenly decide it's time for everyone to leave. It can seem like your dog should have acclimated to visitors, but if we look at the behavior in a way that we can relate to, it can begin to make a little bit more sense.

03:10

So I want you to think of a critter, scorpion, rodent, insect, spider; take your pick. Whether you're highly phobic or you'd just rather not be touched unexpectedly.

Imagine that critter suddenly lands close to you.

How close?

Whatever distance is inside your bubble for that particular creature.

Most likely the first thing you do is yelp, scream, shutter, some kind of noise, and then you move away quickly. Once you've got enough space, you kind of keep an eye on that animal.

If it doesn't bother you anymore, that initial shot of adrenaline might feel like it's starting to dissipate, and you can actually likely continue on with whatever you were up to before you saw that icky thing.

But you're also still watching it, and if it suddenly starts to move again, especially towards you, that adrenaline shoots right back up and you might actually even have a bigger reaction the second time.

And knowing that "it's more scared of you than you are of it" really doesn't stop you from "overreacting" in that moment.

This can be what it's like for our dogs. Hopefully that gives you a little bit of a better picture of what the guest experience might be like for them.

There's that initial, ohh, my gosh, somebody's here, they start to settle and then when there's movement, it can really sort of not set them back, but scare them a second time when their system is already primed to retreat or bark or do whatever it is that your dog does to cope in those moments.

04:43

The good thing about being able to start to understand the experience is that it can make finding a solution start to feel a little bit more attainable. Understanding that your dog isn't trying to be a jerk is a really good starting point.

It also doesn't negate the fact that the barking is really loud and disruptive and it's really hard for you. You might have been able to tolerate just a bit of barking at the delivery driver, but your dog's barking is directed towards people that you love, who you want to be a good host to, and visits that used to be a source of joy becomes so stressful that you've begun to avoid having friends over again.

You might suddenly realize that you've been avoiding a call to the plumber for that leaky faucet because you're so worried about how you'll manage your dog.

Then when you do have guests, your dog barks at them, and then when you put them outside, they bark to come in. You find yourself spending more time shuffling the dog around than socializing, and in those moments it can feel exhausting and embarrassing.

And then later, your friends are gone and your dog is just happily cleaning up the dinner crumbs, napping on the couch, and you wonder if you're going to just have to be a hermit for the next decade.

05:52

If that's where you are right now, I imagine that you must be feeling a little bit isolated and also defeated. A lot of people begin to also believe that this is their fault, because they didn't do a puppy class or obedience training or because they aren't firm enough with their dog.

And that's simply not true.

This doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong, but what it actually means is that right now you and your dog have slightly conflicting social needs. And a big reason that people feel stuck is that most advice focuses on trying to stop the behavior during a moment of chaos, and what's missing is the prevention and the addressing of the underlying cause.

06:35

When we can see the cause and effect side of dog behavior, something important can start to shift in our view of the problem. Because the real issue isn't usually the dog being protective of the house, it's the dog feeling unsafe and not knowing how to cope with feeling unsafe.

So instead of trying to tell the dog no and pull them back, which often leads to frustration and sometimes even more intense barking, we can focus on creating a new greeting routine.

By building a plan that considers both your needs and your dogs, you get one step closer to being able to enjoy visits with your guests again.

07:16

And that understanding is what leads us to the approach that I use with my clients.

Real progress usually comes down to three things.

The first is that we create a routine for guest arrivals. For example, some dogs are a lot more relaxed if they're in another room until the guests are seated, while others actually have a harder time and are louder if they're confined. So we assess your dog's needs, as well as practical concerns for your home so that we can move the greetings away from that stressful entryway in a way that works for everyone in the household and the dog.

2nd, we move the treats from your guests hands to yours. This takes the pressure off both your guests who didn't expect to become dog trainers and your dog who might not be ready to get so close to them. We'll be able to teach the dog that guests are great, while you also can feel a little more in control of where your dog is and what they're doing. We'll then be in a great position to decide what training skills will be the most helpful to improving your dog's reaction to guests.

08:26

The third piece is that we're going to teach your dog to go to a safe space. This involves helping the dog remember that if they get scared, they can leave the area and take a break.

For example, when a guest stands up from the table, your dog will become much more likely to go lie in their bed than to explode into a barking rampage.

When these three things are in place, your guests can enjoy entering your home in peace, and you can focus more on socializing and less on taking on your dog's stress.

08:57

This is the kind of work that we help our clients with every day.

My role isn't to turn your dog into a social butterfly, it's to help you build a plan for peaceful visits that works for your home, and to do it in a way that feels like you have some control over your own social life again, rather than being a hostage to your dog's behavior.

A lot of our clients come to us feeling embarrassed and hopeless and even a bit resentful of their dog, and then a few months later they get in touch with victory stories of successful family visits, great holidays and real pride in their dogs.

The approach that we've talked about today is especially helpful for people who want their dog to feel comfortable and safe so that everyone in the household can enjoy having guests.

If you'd like support putting this into place, the next step is to e-mail me to see which program would best fit your needs.

And then if you're not quite ready for that, you can also visit my website at www.mightymuttsdogtraining.com.

Whether or not I have the pleasure of working with you directly, I hope that this video helped you to understand what causes your dog to bark at guests and gave you a clearer understanding of a starting point for making really meaningful change with your dog.

Have a great rest of your day and thanks for taking the time.